you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
