thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
