who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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