You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
