I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
