is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize