wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
