I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think your dad took our porno
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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