im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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