I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
vagina is talking i cant
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize