Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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