I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
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I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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