ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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