Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
