and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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