I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.