I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.