Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
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Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????