she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.