She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
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Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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