And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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