You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
