Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
