I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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