My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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