He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
love makes seman taste better
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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