Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
