Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
