Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
