Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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