i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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