come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
