Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
