Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
