no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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