I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
