I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
