none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
