Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
