a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
