If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
