I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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