I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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