Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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