omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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