hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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