I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
