nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
