Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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