god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
