and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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