doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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