I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
