I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
