I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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