I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
