I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
