i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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