Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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