If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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