thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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