I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
